Viva Las Vegas

I landed in Vegas full of optimism and curiosity. Since passing through the airport doesn't count, this was really my first time in Sin City. I had certain expectations for LV, no doubt at least partly fueled by CSI and the Sports Guy. A friend once told me that going to Vegas is like going, well, anywhere in the world. You want to go to New York? Go to Vegas. Paris? Go to Vegas. Venice? Yup, Vegas. And to some degree this is true. But much like Space Mountain isn't really a mountain, all of these places are less than the real deal. With all the themed hotels and over-the-top design, it felt like a really big Disney, except with gambling and strippers.

The MGM Grand - a huge, sprawling mammoth of a megaplex.

Inside the Venitian - simply spectacular.

The infamous Bellagio - truly luxurious.

Caeser's Palace - fit for a King.

New York, New York - complete with skyline facade and fake Lady Liberty.

Paris, Las Vegas, of course. Ooh la la... Sacre bleu!

My trip was arranged at the last minute, so I ended up staying at the Luxor, which was decidedly not luxe. In fact, the lack of "luxness" was so stunning that "Suxor" would be a more appropriate name. It may have been nice when it was first built, but it doesn't look like it has been updated in a very long time. Because of it's pyramid shape, all the windows are on walls that are slanted inwards. Also, regular elevators just don't cut it. Each corner of the building has an "inclinator" that travels diagonally up the side of the pyramid (at 39 degrees, in case you care). This sounds kind of cool, but the novelty wears out pretty quickly - like after the first ride. All of the hotels on the strip have some sort of show that they run every night. The Luxor chose Carrot Top. Apparently this was on purpose.

Built like an ancient pyramid...

... with an interior that's also stuck in prehistoric times.

Of course there are themed hotels, shows, and casinos, but what really gets me excited about Las Vegas are the restaurants. Well known chefs from all over the country have established outposts of their famed establishments there, supplanting the old school cadre of $7.99 dinner buffets. Chefs like Nobu Matsuhisa, Thomas Keller, Bobby Flay, Joel Robuchon and countless others... there's some serious food in play here. It is with this in mind that I found myself at a place called Battista's Hole in the Wall. Zagat calls this place "an old Vegas Italian landmark," and that's about the best thing I can say about it. Honestly, I don't even know how to describe this depth of the badness to you. It was really that bad. I would rather eat at Olive Garden, no contest.

I wish I was joking.

In fact, if it wasn't for a cabbie who I convinced to wait in the parking lot while I picked up a snack from west coast sensation In and Out Burger earlier, I would have suffered through an utterly bankrupt culinary day. This was not what I had in mind for my visit to the Nevada desert. I made up my mind right then to do whatever was necessary to make certain that the next evening would not let me down.

Fresh, tasty, and cheap - you can never go wrong with that combo.

Fortuately, the next day found my situation greatly improved. I had it in mind to head to Thomas Keller's bistro Bouchon for lunch, but when we arrived, we were told that they were only open for lunch on the weekends - so much for trusting the guide books. We ended up at Delmonico Steakhouse, a branch of the New Orleans institution now owned and operated by Emeril Lagasse. The menu centers around USDA Prime aged steaks, prepared in classic steakhouse style, yet subtly infused with Cajun flavorings. A thick NY strip steak with a side of asparagus was prepared beautifully and really hit the spot. Despite my impression that Emeril's entertaining skills far outweigh his chef skills, this place was pretty good.

It's impossible to be in Vegas and not come face to face with gambling. All of the elaborate hotels serve as ornate monuments to the house advantage, so don't fool yourself. I have never really been interested in gambling - not that it's necessarily evil (which it can be at times), but I can just think of a lot of places vastly more worthy of my donations. Sitting in one of the casinos that night however, it occurred to me some of these games were very entertaining. Yes, entertainment! By playing (and, losing your money, let's assume), you could look at it as simply purchasing entertainment - much like going to the movies, or paying for parking when you go downtown for dinner. Plus, in most casinos, as long as you are playing, "refreshments" are on the house. Now that's a deal and a half. There was a 25 cent roulette table, so I decided to get $5 in chips and see what happened. I figured that 5 bucks was worth about an hour of fun.

After 10 minutes, I had doubled my money. Instinctively, I knew that I should take it and run, but I was having a good time and wanted the fun to last a little longer. So I stayed in. 15 minutes later, I was down to my last dollar. We were getting ready to leave anyways, so I put it on black (1:1 payout). And won. With 2 bucks now, I bet put one on black and another on the first column (2:1 payout). I hit both - back up to $5. Before you know it, I have $16 in chips and I decide to cash out, up $11. My first thought was that I was done - I wanted to go home and be able to say that I won some loot in Vegas. The second thought I had was that if I had put in $50 instead of $5, then...

Okay... This is where things can get dangerous. Is losing $5 a big deal? Well, not really. How about losing $50? $100? Yeah, that would hurt. I guess I have a little more understanding now about how people can get sucked in and lose big bucks. The rush of winning is addictive, and the panic of losing can drive you to make stupid decisions. I think I'll stick to the 25 cent table for the forseeable future.

Since I had had a late lunch and wasn't too hungry, I decided to go for a light dinner. In light of my winnings, I felt like celebrating with the high rollers, so I headed over to Nobu for some sushi. While I was waiting for a seat at the sushi bar, I went to the Men's room to relieve myself. At the urinal next to me, I recognized a familiar face. 'Duuuuum da da dum, da dum, da dum - U can't touch this - Break it down!'

As I spun around to wash my hands, I locked eyes with MC Hammer. Just about that time, the annoying towel dude that they have in fancy bathrooms yells out "Yo Hammer!" Gone were the baggy pants in favor of a sharp pinstripe suit. I was surprised at how stocky and built he was. I seem to have this image in my memory of a much skinnier guy. As thrilled as I was to come face to face with a childhood idol, at this particular moment, I was just glad that he was distracting the towel guy so I didn't have to tip him. I hate that. After the fact, I wondered if this encounter really happened, of if it had just been my imagination. But sure enough, MC Hammer's blog entry for Jan 08 shows that he was, in fact, in Vegas. Good times.

Finally, I made it to the sushi bar, where I met Shin Kondo, a proper sushi chef. I watched him with admiration, artfully moving his hands as he produced piece after piece of perfect nigiri sushi. Once you've been exposed to great sushi, the low tier chaff becomes wildly unsatisfying - even inedible. There was no need to worry this night. I was in the hands of a master.

A beautiful work of art - Tuna maki along the top. Nigiri sushi clockwise from top left: maguro (tuna), tai (red snapper), sake (salmon), shad, ikura (salmon roe), ebi (prawn), raw scallop, hamachi (yellowtail).

Watch the art of Nigiri Sushi preparation, performed by Nobu Las Vegas chef Shin Kondo.

See the quick snap and pop of the fingers as the tasty nuggets are formed.

In the end, I think I got a pretty good glimpse of Vegas, and as I was leaving, I couldn't help but feel a little 'dirty' just from being there. Everything is taken to the extreme. The lights, the glitz, the celebs, the mad cash flying all about, the ubiquitous presence of racy advertisements... Yup, Las Vegas delivered spot on my expectations. The thing is, I can't say that I feel all that good about it. In a way, I am disappointed that the rumors are true. I'm sad for the people who use the city's vices to self-medicate, or to try and fill a void in their souls. I guess the 'Sin City' monniker is fitting after all.

Oxygen for sale - for when you just can't make it through that all night gambling/drinking binge.

Chapel of love? Just like in the movies.